Topic: Fuck the clutter

Cluttered room = Cluttered mind

I hereby resolve, that from this day forward, I will not live with a cluttered room.  Sure, I may have just dumped all those loose papers and trinkets in drawers and closets, but at least my room has the appearance of being clutter free.  For the first time since I moved into my cozy Park Slope apartment, I can walk 5 uninterrupted paces.  I can now sprawl out and do push-ups and sit-ups to start my day. 

And I can breathe.  This room has been hanging over me like those spaghetti things that run over your car in a drive through.  Now, there’s some semblance of order in this room, and with that some feeling of clarity in my mind.

This was one of my big goals for the day.  I read a short “how to improve your memory book,” and having an organized personal space was part of that recipe.  It’s unfathomable the amount of time I’ve wasted in my life looking for things, and this I don’t expect to go away overnight.  But it makes it that much easier to see tomorrow, when I don’t have to see a week’s worth of clothing lying on every piece of furniture.

My vacation is winding down, and it has been uneventful but interesting.  The room cleaning was most important, but there were other highlights.  I’m becoming a CNN Int’l junkie, especially enjoying watching int’l weather reports of Africa.  “It’s going to be another bright and sunny day in Ethiopia and Somalia,” amidst the backdrop of violence there.  There was also this great clip about a S. African surfer, Gary Kleynhans, who has developed a school for underprivilaged kids, that has produced some of the first black surf champoins.  In my last post, I may have come off as not appreciating what I have here in Brooklyn. I certainly do love it here, and appreciate the opportunities I have, but I think what I miss most about S. Africa is it’s similarity to our west coast.  Warm weather, relaxed people, and minutes from nature.  That, most of all, is what I miss.

And saw the new Rocky movie, oh baby!  Talk about inspiring.

Topic: Things I’ve written

From Feb. 17, 2004

“If you want to solve a problem, you first have to know the
problem. The problem of violent crime in South Africa, as it probably
is in America and much of the world, runs hand in hand with the need to
make education more practical, and to help people gain access to the
opportunities for education and for work.

The thing is, for me at least, is that once you see something
broken, you know it needs to be fixed. But when the thing that is
broken doesn’t directly effect you, you must experience it for
yourself. Experience poverty, and you will want to do help those who
cannot escape it. Experience hunger or thirst, as I am right now, and
you’ll learn to appreciate what you have, and empathize with those who
don’t.”

I went through a life altering experience in S. Africa, and the experience has since faded from me.  Re-reading words I wrote, I see a person who was truly inspired, who had the amazing opportunity to live and work in a beautiful country, with beautiful people.  I laugh now at my realization that my students were not all criminals as I had been told, but were disadvantaged financially and socially in some way.  I had students who had been in gangs, who had robbed and knived, who had dropped out of school and become drug addicts.  And I heard these students talk about their desire to change, and to gain an education.

That’s what my S. African experience did for me.  It made me want to help others, through real skills and soft ones.  Thinking about planning, time management, and perserverance, along with what I now teach, reading and writing. 

I was watching Oprah’s S Africa special, on at 2am, and she had a line about how she fell in land with the landscape.  That certainly happened for me there.  Everywhere was majestic.  I was always minutes from beaches, mountains, modern comforts, and vibrant communities. 

I can’t wait to be back there.  The question is, how soon

Topic: Good evening, today is Thursday, December 21st, 2006
On writing, growing into dating, and teaching

Please take your seats, and get ready for this journal entry.  I need to write, like an addict needs his next cigarette.  There’s so much in me, and writing is my best medicine for putting things in order.  Writing is important to me, and after a well-earned vacation from kids, I plan on going full-force to make writing as important to them as it is me.  I want them to see how therapeutic it is, and how much growth it allows for.  All the emotions and ideas inside all of us, can present themselves in ways the writer never imagined.  It allows for a voice and line of thinking to reveal itself in unimaginable ways.

For my students who are constantly acting out, I want to challenge myself to key them into writing for that purpose.  To address their anger and pain, whether it’s towards school, or their home lives.  And now I know to do this, I’ll have to plan and work harder than I ever imagined.  This means truly getting to know each of my students, spending every moment possible getting to know them, their interests, their strengths, and their gaps.  It means accounting for a group of kids that contains a girl who stutters, a boy who is mute in class, a girl with a sailor’s mouth, a boy who walks out of class and slams doors, and a boy who reads the New York Times daily.  Ultimately, this means creating a community where we’re all in something together, where I’m modeling how to be the type of student I want my students to be.  Asking questions and tracking down their answers.  Writing, writing, writing.  And reading, reading, reading.  Not a single second can I be bored.  I need to explore museums, talk to new people, listen to different music.  And as I experience these things, bring them into my classroom.

I want to write long, and deep, and frequently.  I want to collect a binder of the stories I write.

And I want to fill all this with balance, and friends, and beer, and soccer watching.  My brain is often working to figure out, “how to think,” “how to listen,” and “how to remember.”  As I meet people now, I often pretend that by my side is someone close to me, so I might look at a person, or an experience, through eyes other than my own.  What would my friends from college think of my experiences in a classroom.  What would my parents think?

And I’m dating now and clearly that means I’ve grown up, and have shed some of my childhood self.  I’m experiencing all the ridiculousness that dating is meant to be, the first dates, the heartbreak, the figuring out what the hell it is I’m truly looking for.  And that’s fun and educational and I love it.

But teaching has really been on my mind.  Such a bizarre profession.  In grad school tonight we spent over 2 hours listening to presentations on stuttering, OCD, mental retardation, and oppositional definat disorder.  What I really need is 2 years of studying history, literature, and writing, (which of course I should have gotten by now, but there’s more than a few teachers who need to sharpen up on content).  But, it amazes me the extent of knowledge that a teacher needs to truly help students.  And that’s exciting too.

Topic: Words…powerful and powerless

I often write from my sub-conscious, I don’t think.  My fingers type at lightning speed, without putting in the extra cognition required to understand my own thoughts.  Akin to reading a chapter of a book without grasping any of it.  This is how I often write.

I lose consciousness, and sink into a poetic place.  I sometimes hate this loss of control, allowing my thoughts to wander aimlessly and without full awareness of what I am thinking.

Writing this way is like throwing out thoughts in the wastebasket, when what I really want is to take these words and make them art for a wall.

I am becoming more aware of how powerful my writing is and can be.  I can write things I could never say, would never say, and in a way completely different than conversation allows.  My words are best suited for performance, or to be read in quiet reflection. 

One of my favorite things to do with kids is show them how fast I type.  It’s amazing, but what’s even better is what I type while they’re looking. 

“Hey…look how fast I’m typing.  Yeah you, I’m talking to you.  It’s the letters on the screen talking.  I can teach you how to type fast, how to write!”  By talking through the keys, I am able to say so much more.

Or a letter.  Stripped of sound and facial emotion, I’m left with the written word to convey my thoughts and emotions.  Done properly, I can let a student know what I think of them, the strengths I see and the disappointment that they kicked a kid in the library, and stole their hat after school.  Writing letters is such a powerful way to say something, without saying anything at all.  You pass them the letter, they soak in your thoughts, and an understanding is created.

I’ve written 3 pieces for my class that I’m feeling quite proud of.  The piece yesturday was an essay about the philosophy of Outward Bound schools, specifically their use of learning expeditions (in-depth, inter-disciplanary, project based learning), crews (developing a sense of team and community in the classroom), and character development (emphasizing compassion and goal setting along with academic learning).  I also wrote a bit about this history of Outward Bound, how its founder, Kurt Hahn, was a German educator in the 1940s who opposed the racist and violent policies of the Nazis.  For  30min. we read this essay and sadly had to cut short  a discussion that was developing.  There is something so liberating about teaching.

And yet it is stressful.  To me it is stressful not for the usual reasons.  I don’t feel as though I lack supplied, have an unsupporting staff, or students who a reluctant to learn.  My stresses are from a lack of experience, both professionally and personally.  I know all to well what I don’t know, and there’s no way I can spend the time reading what I need to to truly give my kids the learning experience they deserve.  And it’s stressful to know that my own bad habits of procrastination and disorganization sometimes show. 

But, on the whole, I know my shortcomings are mostly personal.  I am competing against myself only.  I have strengths and weaknesses, and that’s how I look at others.  If it truly takes a villiage to raise a child, than I can go to work content that I am making my small contribution to humanity. 

This post has rambled on too long, but I want to also share about my personal life.  I went swimming in my gym today, and it was the most fun thing I’ve done in a long long time.  It was such a sensation, feeling like a kid, feeling the hard workout, feeling the satisfaction and energy after.  Amazing!  Discovering a bar down a dodgy street in Red Hook, Brooklyn, where people congregate to play bluegrass, and dogs walk around.  And reading a great book! 

Topic: A journey of a thousand miles begins with one step…developing thoughts on education

I’m making progress.  In school as a teacher, in school as a learner, and in life as a participant.  I’m thinking more and in a more structured way, and with a better understanding of my thought process (meta-cognition).  I am sequencing things more to improve my memory and understanding of things, visualizing, and making connections to things I’ve read, seen, heard, and experienced.  On Thursday, I attended a teaching workshop on a literacy program called Wilson, which is designed for struggling readers of all ages, and a few more things about learning jumped out at me. 

The Wilson reading program is a step-program.  Students start on step 1, practicing sound segmentation, where they break single-syllable words like cat into 3 sounds, “c” “a” “t.”  The word ship, although it has 4 letters, also has 3 sounds, “sh” “i” “p”  We explain to students that the two letters “sh” form one sound.  As a way to help students learn these things, we have them tap their fingers as they say each sound.  Why?  Because research shows that the touching sets off different parts of the brain, making learning to read a multi-sensory experience.  The more senses involved, site, sound, and touch, the deeper the learning in the brain.

Another great insite I picked up from the workshop was how the reading program emphasizes mastery of one skill, then adding one new skill with continued review of the previously learned skills.  All too often, I’ve noticed how my own learning has been linear, with few stops to go back, review, and then go forward again.  In order for learning to go into long-term memory, it needs to be used often.  For example, when first learning a person’s name, it is suggested that you repeat the name and use it often in conversation to help you remember it.  A few weeks ago, I taught a lesson to my students where they were asked to read and “think aloud” after each paragraph to capture the main idea.  More than two weeks later, I did another reading lesson on similes, and had students use the “think aloud” strategy again, and many of my kids had that light-bulb look, where they were making a connection to the skill we had done in the past.  I think it’s so important as a teacher to try to continually introduce old material into new lessons.  A good theory, and a re-inforcing skill, meaning that as a teacher each time you help your kids practice old skills, the more you will remember to do this.

To recap, I’ve discovered that it’s useful to always build on past learning, and to use of multi-sensory learning.

On Friday, I had a really successful lesson/discussion with my 6th graders, a first step in a long journey through the school year.  I wrote up a short 6-paragraph story about a student who hates reading, who goes on to write a story about his hatred for reading, develops a love of writing, and then discovers that reading can help fuel his writing.  The student begins reading and writing about problems in his community such as violence and moving to different foster homes, and eventually he decided to go to college for journalism.  The students applauded after reading it aloud, and it was by far my finest moment as a teacher on several levels. 

I had students volunteer to read a paragraph and “think aloud” after each one, a great way to have students practice this skill.  At the end we had a discussion about the types of things that students are expected to know after reading something (meaning, what they will be tested on…but I never call anything I do ‘test prep!’)  This includes capturing the main idea, sequencing the story, describing characters, etc.  This showed me that I can write stories that connect with my students,
that I can use my own love of writing to teach, and that I can “test
prep” and engage at the same time.  I’m looking forward to writing up a number of stories, fictional and non, likely written through the eyes of a student, that incorporates a specific skill for students to learn.

I’ve been watching CNN int’l for the past couple of hours, completely wonderful start to my early rise this Sat. morning.  There was just a 1hr special on the science of happiness with Dr. Sanjay Kupta, and it tied in nicely with what I’ve been trying to do in my classrooms.  The CNN show talked about how people are naturally more productive and creative when they are happy, and it seems that the default emotion in many classrooms isn’t this.  What works for me and I know other teachers, is to have conversations with students like adults, to encourage them, to not yell at them.  I’ve seen too many kids angry at other kids and teachers, to know that it is on the teachers and administrators to create a positive culture.  The soft skills we teach of positive attidude, positive psychology, working in a team, all these things can carry over to academic learning. 

Below is a list of things I need to look into that came up in the program…as always, I appreciate your comments and questions.

cnn-happiness and your health
daniel gilbert – happiness
dali lama, practicing happiness,
barbara fredrickson – science of positive psychology
dr. jullie holland – drugs and the brain
play-dough = childhood happiness
domino blocks…classroom activities, metaphors
upcoming cnn int’l special on nobel prize winner muhammad yunus, pioneer of micro-lending in 3rd world countries

Topic: a eulogy for my grandfather

I’m not much for summing up people’s lives, but a few things stand out about my grandfather, who passed away suddenly last Thursday.  First of all, his wife, my grandmother, passed away 1yr. and 10 days earlier, and my grandfather used to say, “What a mean thing she did,” by leaving him.  He truly loved her and his family, and it was clear that our family’s happiness meant more to him than anything.  He wasn’t a big traveler or buying of fancy things, and enjoyed his last months in a senior home, where he played poker, went to Atlantic City, and enjoyed a good meal.

He served in WWII and has both a purple heart and a recovered Nazi knife to prove it.  He was a traditional Jew, the only one in his plattoon, and would often trade food, spam for something kosher.  He was a joke teller, and enjoyed a good drink.  This past year, he spent many nights sleeping in my old bedroom, and always told me how comfortable my bed was and how we didn’t want to give it up.  At 7am when I’d wake up, or 2am if I came home late, he’d hear me, and without opening his eyes, would ask me a question.  How was your night?  How do you like work?  Always caring and concerned, always interested.

On Thur. I saw him take his last breaths in the hospital, along with my cousins, parents, uncles and aunts.  The atmosphere was surreal, as it should be in times like these.  A whole life comes down to following the biology of a man, his heart rate, respiratory rate, and vital signs.  His lungs ultimately gave out after 2 weeks in the hospital following a broken hip.  It’s still a bit uncertain how things deteriorated, but a combination of complications ultimately led to his final moments on this earth.

And all this has helped me come to terms with my own mortality a bit.  I can now think about my own death and plan for it.  For example, I want a box of Life Cereal to go in my coffin, my ultimate comfort food.  I want to be remembered for the impact I’ve had on others, and my efforts to make life better for others.  I want to be remembered for my dreams and my writing, although in them I reveal many of my shortcomings and insecurities. 

And when I go I want people to know that I’ve gone to a place with infinite hiking and lakes and rivers and beautiful nature.  A place where my family will be with me for eternity, just as my grandfather has rejoined his wife.  I may not believe in these things literally, but I believe that hope makes life more worth living.

There’s more I’d like to write, but I am keeping some emotions to myself.  Hope everyone else is well…