December 11, 2006
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Topic: Words…powerful and powerless
I often write from my sub-conscious, I don’t think. My fingers type at lightning speed, without putting in the extra cognition required to understand my own thoughts. Akin to reading a chapter of a book without grasping any of it. This is how I often write.
I lose consciousness, and sink into a poetic place. I sometimes hate this loss of control, allowing my thoughts to wander aimlessly and without full awareness of what I am thinking.
Writing this way is like throwing out thoughts in the wastebasket, when what I really want is to take these words and make them art for a wall.
I am becoming more aware of how powerful my writing is and can be. I can write things I could never say, would never say, and in a way completely different than conversation allows. My words are best suited for performance, or to be read in quiet reflection.
One of my favorite things to do with kids is show them how fast I type. It’s amazing, but what’s even better is what I type while they’re looking.
“Hey…look how fast I’m typing. Yeah you, I’m talking to you. It’s the letters on the screen talking. I can teach you how to type fast, how to write!” By talking through the keys, I am able to say so much more.
Or a letter. Stripped of sound and facial emotion, I’m left with the written word to convey my thoughts and emotions. Done properly, I can let a student know what I think of them, the strengths I see and the disappointment that they kicked a kid in the library, and stole their hat after school. Writing letters is such a powerful way to say something, without saying anything at all. You pass them the letter, they soak in your thoughts, and an understanding is created.
I’ve written 3 pieces for my class that I’m feeling quite proud of. The piece yesturday was an essay about the philosophy of Outward Bound schools, specifically their use of learning expeditions (in-depth, inter-disciplanary, project based learning), crews (developing a sense of team and community in the classroom), and character development (emphasizing compassion and goal setting along with academic learning). I also wrote a bit about this history of Outward Bound, how its founder, Kurt Hahn, was a German educator in the 1940s who opposed the racist and violent policies of the Nazis. For 30min. we read this essay and sadly had to cut short a discussion that was developing. There is something so liberating about teaching.
And yet it is stressful. To me it is stressful not for the usual reasons. I don’t feel as though I lack supplied, have an unsupporting staff, or students who a reluctant to learn. My stresses are from a lack of experience, both professionally and personally. I know all to well what I don’t know, and there’s no way I can spend the time reading what I need to to truly give my kids the learning experience they deserve. And it’s stressful to know that my own bad habits of procrastination and disorganization sometimes show.
But, on the whole, I know my shortcomings are mostly personal. I am competing against myself only. I have strengths and weaknesses, and that’s how I look at others. If it truly takes a villiage to raise a child, than I can go to work content that I am making my small contribution to humanity.
This post has rambled on too long, but I want to also share about my personal life. I went swimming in my gym today, and it was the most fun thing I’ve done in a long long time. It was such a sensation, feeling like a kid, feeling the hard workout, feeling the satisfaction and energy after. Amazing! Discovering a bar down a dodgy street in Red Hook, Brooklyn, where people congregate to play bluegrass, and dogs walk around. And reading a great book!
