June 6, 2006

• topic: props to good fuckin’ friends, in good times and bad

  one of my best friends, D, just revealed to me he’s been having thoughts of suicide. he’s at home, seeing a therapist, taking lithium and a number of other meds. he’s been diagnosed as bipolar/depressive, and has also been suffering from a stomach illness that makes daily life uncomfortable. There is likely a relationship between his physical and emotional ailments.

  one of my best female friends in college was also depressive/suicidal when we were in school. senior year she called me while i was at a party, hysterically crying. she had me come over and wanted me to drive her to the hospital, she eventually talked and cried herself to sleep. she’s since gotten better w/ the help of meds and group therapy.

  both are wonderful people, and probably the 2 friends i feel closest to in the world. possibly because so many of our conversations have revolved around issues of joy and purpose in life. my female friend went to grad school in dc for middle eastern studies, had a breackdown, and is now in school to be a physicians assistant. my guy friend, went to grad school for music in boston, and is now living home in the midwest and working for a caterer.

  they are the only two friends who i have exchanged, “i love yous” with, and i mean that neither in a romantic nor in a casual chummy way. these are the people i’d drop my own life for if they needed something.

  w/ the physician asst., there is this calming feeling that in 10 years, if we were both single, we could get married. and as i said, there’s nothing romantic between us, but there’s a genuine friendship and everytime we speak i sort of hold a pillow and pretend it’s her, because the sound of her voice is comforting.

  w/ the musician, it’s such a case of unwavering support for each other, an understanding that transcends how any other human being could understand us.

  they don’t read this blog, but then again, they don’t really need to.

  • 12:05 am
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