I finally got around to picking up your book again — It seems junior year has been monopolizing more of my time than expected — don’t laugh, I acctually had myself thinking it was going to be a breeze –
Bottom line I read half the book in a day, I am of course not finished, because this was said day and therefor I am only half done ( you get it )
There is a strange understood censorship in my house that aplies to the average “no touches”; internet porn, video games, alchohol and drugs in any form, and — maybe to your suprize — your book. This censorship is unspoken but understood. Today after I ignored the lot of my classes to read your book, in support of furthering my education with outside material, and after I highlighted the material that I found completally fascinating and the parts that I wanted to critique and challenge you on ( I mean if Andy Reid can challenge two plays in the superbowl, who says I cant make some sense on a xanga site ) I brought up the ultimate question at the dinner table..
mind you this is my second attempt at an adult conversation ( that has now twice ended up with my crying like the child I truely cant seem to loose )
I brought up the, ” What if I didn’t go directly to college” question. After further stating my desire to do something different and my need to see the world before I decide my future. After constant jabber about how I dont see myself ready for college, I see myself doing something for the greater good first. If going into college is to prepair me for the rest of my life, why does it have to start now, at 16. And much more fancy-pants vocabulary to get my point across — after all of this my mother replies, ” I’m not gonna let you read that damn book, if you keep doing this ”
enter water works.
Shorty after Pio summer I went through as very hard time. No big traumas, no deaths, no earth shattering revelations, but I went through a Bio-Chemical Depression, that I still suffer with today, with the help of medication, that often wears thin after tolerance grows. I found with this surge of energy to do something new and exciting and worth living for, was a spark, it lit a fire. One that is rare in kids my age, but one that I own and love.
My parents argued with me, proving points I didnt want to hear. They continued to explain ” The way the world works”. Which at first made me angry with them for giving in so easily. My mother made comments about money and jobs, and I lost it, a feeling of helplessness washed over my body and I sat on my dinning-room table and cried. Clutching my Algebra 2 book in my hand, ready to do my homework, I lost controll.
Why does it have to be so hard? Why is there so much money riding on an institution I dont even know if I’m going to like. I want one on one teaching, I want hands on learning. Six years of Sunday school were grains of salt to the mountains of education I learned in two weeks on the March of the Living; A week of Algebra 2 is pointless compaired to the one day a week my tutor comes to sit in my house and re-teach all the information.
As the topic of conversation at my lunch table shifts from crushes to class rank and GPA; from OMG’s to APs and IBs, I’m feeling like there is no way out. Not only do I not envision myself in another institution where I am forced to sit and study “core” topics for hours at a time.
— Mind you, Its funny that they call it core. Core means the middle. The juice. The excitement. And yet what they make us study in core subjects is no where neart the center of the Gusher.
The frustration you book has caused me is immense, the breakdown I has tonight was unhealthy, but as always it was amazing. Challenge and hardship is wonderful. Pursuit of higher education has always been my passion. I want to learn from people, I want to learn from things, watching, touching, feeling. I want to aquire the knowlege of the world not from looking at an atlas, but by flying a plane, hiking, and boating around it.
Those hardships, the one you have to dig deep and hard to conquer are the ones you grow from.
This application process inwhich I am just grazing the water with my toe, is going to be a hardship, and I’ll be damned if I dont learn anything from it.
I hate this. I hate this. I hate this.
Ill challenge some of your arguments another time. Thank you so far ( remember Im only half way through ) for a rare but enjoyable challenge against my own desires, my own intellect, and my own growth.
forever yours
Benni
p.s. As most spontaneous letters go, halfway through this letter I realized it was more for myself than for you, seeing as how i typed the whole thing is a xanga responce, Ill send it anyway.
Comments (1)
I finally got around to picking up your book again — It seems junior year has been monopolizing more of my time than expected — don’t laugh, I acctually had myself thinking it was going to be a breeze –
Bottom line I read half the book in a day, I am of course not finished, because this was said day and therefor I am only half done ( you get it )
There is a strange understood censorship in my house that aplies to the average “no touches”; internet porn, video games, alchohol and drugs in any form, and — maybe to your suprize — your book. This censorship is unspoken but understood. Today after I ignored the lot of my classes to read your book, in support of furthering my education with outside material, and after I highlighted the material that I found completally fascinating and the parts that I wanted to critique and challenge you on ( I mean if Andy Reid can challenge two plays in the superbowl, who says I cant make some sense on a xanga site ) I brought up the ultimate question at the dinner table..
mind you this is my second attempt at an adult conversation ( that has now twice ended up with my crying like the child I truely cant seem to loose )
I brought up the, ” What if I didn’t go directly to college” question. After further stating my desire to do something different and my need to see the world before I decide my future. After constant jabber about how I dont see myself ready for college, I see myself doing something for the greater good first. If going into college is to prepair me for the rest of my life, why does it have to start now, at 16. And much more fancy-pants vocabulary to get my point across — after all of this my mother replies, ” I’m not gonna let you read that damn book, if you keep doing this ”
enter water works.
Shorty after Pio summer I went through as very hard time. No big traumas, no deaths, no earth shattering revelations, but I went through a Bio-Chemical Depression, that I still suffer with today, with the help of medication, that often wears thin after tolerance grows. I found with this surge of energy to do something new and exciting and worth living for, was a spark, it lit a fire. One that is rare in kids my age, but one that I own and love.
My parents argued with me, proving points I didnt want to hear. They continued to explain ” The way the world works”. Which at first made me angry with them for giving in so easily. My mother made comments about money and jobs, and I lost it, a feeling of helplessness washed over my body and I sat on my dinning-room table and cried. Clutching my Algebra 2 book in my hand, ready to do my homework, I lost controll.
Why does it have to be so hard? Why is there so much money riding on an institution I dont even know if I’m going to like. I want one on one teaching, I want hands on learning. Six years of Sunday school were grains of salt to the mountains of education I learned in two weeks on the March of the Living; A week of Algebra 2 is pointless compaired to the one day a week my tutor comes to sit in my house and re-teach all the information.
As the topic of conversation at my lunch table shifts from crushes to class rank and GPA; from OMG’s to APs and IBs, I’m feeling like there is no way out. Not only do I not envision myself in another institution where I am forced to sit and study “core” topics for hours at a time.
— Mind you, Its funny that they call it core. Core means the middle. The juice. The excitement. And yet what they make us study in core subjects is no where neart the center of the Gusher.
The frustration you book has caused me is immense, the breakdown I has tonight was unhealthy, but as always it was amazing. Challenge and hardship is wonderful. Pursuit of higher education has always been my passion. I want to learn from people, I want to learn from things, watching, touching, feeling. I want to aquire the knowlege of the world not from looking at an atlas, but by flying a plane, hiking, and boating around it.
Those hardships, the one you have to dig deep and hard to conquer are the ones you grow from.
This application process inwhich I am just grazing the water with my toe, is going to be a hardship, and I’ll be damned if I dont learn anything from it.
I hate this. I hate this. I hate this.
Ill challenge some of your arguments another time. Thank you so far ( remember Im only half way through ) for a rare but enjoyable challenge against my own desires, my own intellect, and my own growth.
forever yours
Benni
p.s. As most spontaneous letters go, halfway through this letter I realized it was more for myself than for you, seeing as how i typed the whole thing is a xanga responce, Ill send it anyway.