Adam Corolla joke of the day:

“Anyone seen those Dove adds with the fat girls on them.  I think they suck.  Who wants to look at fat girls.”

The thing is…this might be humorous, if only it was Stan, or Cartman, or perhaps anyone other than Adam Corolla speaking.

I did appreciate one comment of his about the violence in Israel:

“I’m athiest…none of this shit makes sense to me….It’s like that guy who always gets drunk and starts fight in bars.  After a while, you just start saying, hey, I guess these people just like fighting.”

Watched Million Dollar Baby last night.  I can’t give my full opinion w/out spoiling the movie for others, but, let’s just say it’s no Rocky, and I’m pretty sure Rocky didn’t win half the number of Oscars that this movie did. 

It’s strange how you can love something you’ve never really done.  Last night I had this incredible insatiable desire to go white water kayaking.  I’ve only ever done flat-water kayaking, and maybe 4-5 days of white water canoeing last year in N.C.  I’ve seen a few videos of white water kayaking.  I feel like I should be a white water kayaker, although in reality…that’s much harder than just being a bike rider.  I can go home anyday I want and ride my bike, but there’s really no excitement in that, only temporary relaxation.  I’ve taken the first step, by getting onto a kayaking forum and so hopefully it’ll become routine to head out on the weekends.  I don’t want to just do it once like a vacation, I want this to become my sport.  I need a sport…going to the gym does not substitute for being involved w/ a sport.  I called Team in Training about maybe doing a century ride, but I don’t want to have to think about fundraising money.  I just want a hobby, something to look forward to on the weekends.  Will update if this pans out.

How I earn my day’s salary…

Topic: in the news, a rambling

So…as a result of my dazed education, whenever I try to follow the news, it’s like I’m trying to jump into the middle of a movie, but no matter how many times people explain the beginning, I still can’t quite grasp the whole plot.

What’s the deal w/ the Israeli pull-out of Gaza?  I guess the big question I want to ask, is much the same as asking, “Why are many blacks poor, poorly educated, and committing crime?  Is it their own fault, or are there forces beyond their control doing this?”  My question is, “Are the Palestinians awful living conditions in the Gaza Strip and West Bank a result of there own actions bringing this situation on themselves, or are have they been handed a bad deck of cards from the Israelis?” 

It’s like if your neighbor were to try to blow up your cat, and you’re like, “dude…that’s my cat you’re trying to blow up,” so you go kick some ass of your own.  You realize that your neighbor has a vicious propensity for wanting to kill your cat, so you decide to build a massive fence that requires extends into the road, causing your neighbor a large inconvenience while driving to work.  And you shake your head and say…”if only you could learn to leave my cat alone.”

I’ve caught the tail end of the John Roberts abortion scandal, just enough to remember why it is that I can’t follow politics…because everything is so damn twisted, and turned into a zero-sum game.  Some pro-abortion group decided to make shit up about Roberts supporting those who would bomb abortion clinics, and spend $500,000 on tv ads, to which I”m sure conservative groups spent as much money combatting.  You know…if they only made a straight forward ad w/ a human being talking instead of some creepy lying voice-over, I might give a damn about your cause.    

Anyways…what gets me, is how liberals freak that all the conservatives care about is gay marriage and guns.  But…it seems liberals get all crazy about the right of a woman to eliminate a pregnancy.  Not saying it’s not important…but look at it this way…

I don’t smoke pot.  I don’t care if others smoke pot.  I don’t think the gov’t should have any say whether people smoke pot or not.  Same thing w/ gay marriage, same thing w/ abortions.  Let people do what they want, as long as they’re not physically hurting anyone.  If my actions or opinions upset you, that’s ok, because it’s ok if yours upset me too.  I guess I’m feeling pretty libertarian today.  Extend that philosophy to my favorite topic of education…and we’d have way more drop-outs because there wouldn’t be truancy laws, and likely, those people would find themselves doing a whole lot better things w/ their lives.  Gotta love those drop-outs.  Speaking of which, Peter Jennings…never even finished high school!!!  How the hell’d he become so smart w/out going to school? 

Personally…I think legalizing pot should be as big an issue as keeping abortions legal.  I hate the culture of fear that comes w/ pot being illegal, I hate the whole social stigma and feeling of rebellion that is attached to smoking, I hate all the propaganda created about pot, I hate the fact that people are sitting in prison for pot.  All those things bother me.  But…an issue tends to get attention depending on the group fighting for the attention.  I caught an article today (NYT or Newsday, i forget) about the famine in Niger.  It’s really not a big deal compared to other countries, but it’s the new “hunger fad,” it’s almost like the “cool country to care about.”  Media attention drives an issue. 

And so for liberal women, abortion happens to be the hot button issue.  I’m trying to think of an analogy for abortion, but it’s just strange to me that what they’re fighting for is the right to eliminate an unwanted pregnancy.  “It’s my right to get drunk, get knocked up, and then have an abortion,” or, “It’s my right to get pregnant w/out the financial means to support a child and have an abortion.”  There’s also more appropriate cases, “It’s my right to discover my child will be born w/ a terminal illness and to have an abortion,” or, “I was raped, it’s my right to have an abortion.”  For me…abortion is one of many issues that I struggle to express w/ good taste because I have no personal experience w/ the issue, except I know someone whose work involves advising couples about abortions in the case of children who are likely to be born w/ life crippling illnesses.

But what if all these women decided to band together, less as female-rightists than as mothers, and called for the end of No Child Left Behind?  What if they put up attack ads for virtually every politician who has gone ahead and sold our public education system down a dead-end track?

The last 2 night’s I’ve tried out Adam Corolla’s new late night show that’s on after the daily show.  It sucks.  He sucks.  The man show was funny, probably because it wasn’t just Corolla’s show, and because the whole point of the show was to take everything male and multiply it by 1000.  This new show is just Adam playing the role of the exaggerated male, trying to be the biggest asshole he can be.  I never really encountered many shit-head frat guys (yeah…there were some, but frats at my school don’t fit the stereotype of wild out of control college frats), but I’d imagine Adam was one of them.  I hope they take his show off and just show Daily Show repeats.  Yeah…that’s right, burn in hell Adam Corolla show.  and wipe that smug grin off your face.

So…I’ve gotten back to working out.  Joined a New York Sports Club, there’s like 1000 of these in the city.  The one i go to is actually a pretty small gym, but from the 25th floor there’s a patio w/ a wicked view of the city.  After a long day of doing nothing in an office, there’s also nothing better than sitting in a sauna, and forgetting about life for a bit. 

Last night decided to switch it up…ran at the beach a bit.  If i’m on a work-out machine, i’ll run/bike/ski for 15min. before I get tired.  But…that tired is obviously more mental, because yesturday I ran a good 40min. in the sand, with a 15min. mediation/chill out break on a jetti.

Also…began reading a book I read ages ago, “On a Pale Horse,” by Piers Anthony.  It’s a fantasy book…I’m not really into or non-into any particular genre of books, but I’m really enjoying this one again.  It’s part of a 7-part series called the Incarnations of Immortality, each book about a different character which personifies some timeless part of life.  For example, book one is about Death, and there’s also Nature, Fate, War, Good, Evil, and Time.  

The main character Zane, goes into a charm shop.  He’s broke, and his life is not going so well.  He first tries on a lovestone, which gets bright, indicating he is destined to meet his dream woman that day.  He then tries on a wealth stone, which will lead him to money wherever he goes.  He apologizes to the shop owner, but leaves because he cannot afford either.  The owner than makes a deal, to sell the wealthstone, in exchange for Zane leading the owner to this dream woman.  He agrees…and they go out on their flying carpets…suddenly, a woman’s carpet collapses, her flying spell having worn off.  The owner swoops in, and wins the woman’s heart.  He also wins her wealth, since she is a rich and powerful woman.

Zane then owns the wealthstone, which turns out to be merely a cheap metal detector, leading him to pennies and nickles.  It’s at that point, that he decides to kill himself, only to be interrupted by Death at his door, who he promptly turns the gun towards and shoots.  And so Zane obtains the role of Death, harvesting those souls that are in balance between good and evil, heaven and hell. 

As he takes on his new role, with a bit of rookie jitters, Zane encounters several situations that push his moral limits.  He begins asking himself, “do i need to kill this person or that?”  Perhaps if he just allowed someone a bit longer, they could do a bit more w/ their life.  Why did that kid have to mess around in his mothers spell cabinet?  Why did that person have to play with that fire-breathing dragon?  It’s a fun book if you ask me. 

Topic: Bill Maher, I’m Swiss

Unlike Adam Corolla, Bill Maher is a comedian and ranter that I enjoy listening to.  His recent HBO special that my friend tivo’d, was no exception.  He had some very poignant observations about society:

1) People say I’m anti-American.  That’s not the case at all…I’m simply embarassed to be an American today, there’s a difference.

2) People say, you can either have an intellectual President, or a “man of the people.”  Clinton managed to be both.  You say he wasn’t a man of the people!!!   The guy went after ugly chicks, what more do you want?

3) Can we please legalize marijuana already?  How many people have died or killed others from alcohol!!! What’s the worse thing pot has done?  It’s basically supporting the junk food economy (not really how his joke went…but did a good rant on drugs)

ice cold beer……

So I wasn’t really serious in my last post…just felt like having fun w/ freedom of speech and all that, see what kind of reactions I’d get.  I haven’t looked too much into this, but apparently bloggers in China can’t write the words “democracy” or “falun gang,” (the banned spiritual practice).  They’ve programmed everything so the words just scramble if you type them…creepy shit. 

So…I saw Johnny Clegg last night.  Pretty decent show, the guy is probably close to 50 now.  Their stage presence felt more like a concert you’d see at a summer camp, full of lame yet funny choreographed dance moves, constant speaker feedback, and lighting that occassionally blinded the audience.  Most of his songs were written in the ’80′s and earlier and that’s the music that about 200 people paid to hear.  His back-up singer was a black woman who had a butt so big it could substitue as a bar counter. 

One of his songs was written about a former bandmember who was assinated in ’92 as a freedom fighter, trying to end apartheid.  

Just found out a friend who graduated my college this past May is heading up to Alaska w/ her boyfriend today for about a month.  Then plans to head back to St. Louis.  I think life is a lot about momentum, and her plan is to keep that momentum from college-life going.  I’m starting to build a bit of momentum of my own, settling in comfortably to my job which entails 8 hours in a chair in front of a computer, about 1-2 hours of which I’m either answering a phone, mailing things out, and other assorted tasks.  Nice and comfy…what more could I want. 

I’m going to see Johnny Clegg tonight…sweet.

Politics is meaningless but still mildly entertaining…

I hope there’s another terrorist attack in the States…I mean, I hope that nobody I know or nobody who is known by somebody I know, gets hurt.  That way, it’ll be like most news, it won’t really affect me personally, but it’ll sure as hell make life interesting again.  George Carlin did a bit on this…the way we’re captivated by video footage of bad things happen.  Now that the tsunami and its effects are out of site, out of mind, let me say, “Man…what bitchin’ waves those were.  Can you believe the way it swallowed everything up, unreal, badass shit.”  I didn’t even read about that plane thing in Toronto, but that seemed pretty sweet too. 

It’s been a while since a live drama has played out.  Like the OJ chase during the NBA playoffs, the Bay area quake during the ’89 playoffs I think it was.  I mean, people and things get blown up and killed every day, but I want the shit that’ll get me out of work early so I can crowd around a tv in a bar. 

I’m tired of settling for Hall of Famers being caught using steroids.  I still can’t figure out why the world of baseball and government should ever mix.  It’s a friggin’ game.  Can you imagine if WWF wrestling were treated like baseball, and Hulk Hogan and other classic wrestlers had their championship belts stripped from them from their fake sport, because they’re all juiced up.  And all the normal WWF drama would suddenly play out on the White House steps, with Hulk Hogan and the Macho Man Randy Savage, once good friends, suddenly duking it out, like Jose Conseco ratting out his former buddies.

Tuesday: the day after Monday

After work, came home, inhaled some food, drove to Jones Beach.  I am officially a loser w/ no friends who goes to the beach alone.  I fell asleep in the sand, and was awoken around 9:30pm by police lights.  Apparenlty, the sand is closed after the sun goes down.  The fuckin’ sand!!!  Yet one more example to toss on the already high pile of shit that is my current life.  At one point in time, I got paid to sleep on the beach, and to supervise other people sleeping on a beach. 

I probably could have gone back after the cops drove away.  This hispanic couple was also pretty upset, they decided to resume their cozy spot on the lifeguard chair.  As for me, w/ my luck, I’d have gotten a ticket, or gotten arrested.  And last week, I was out w/ some friends in Bryant Park in NYC, and my friend brings out a 6-pack in a bag.  We’re enjoying the Fri. afternoon buzz, but constantly on edge for the worthless park patrol.

My sister, who is single, ran into a friend of hers who said she had the perfect guy for her.  Turned out it was a family friend of ours.  He’s tall, atheltic, and doing very well for himself as a dentist.  Suddenly, I was envious.  I wish I was a successful dentist!  I want to be doing well for myself.  I want to make my parents proud, and their friends proud…

…but, I don’t think I was quite built like that.  I went to college as a business major, and somehow that ambiton to become rich and successful managing money fell through.  I thought about becoming a lawyer, but somehow that ambition to become rich and successful arguing cases fell through.  All my beliefs about adulthood are stuck w/ me from when I was a child, even the belief that I’ll become an academically minded person.

But in reality…all I crave is natural beauty, physical activity (settling for working out in a gym doesn’t cut it), a communal setting w/ interesting people of all different backgrounds,

Imagine you’re a deer, you’re drinking some cool crisp water with your little dear lips…then, BANG, a fuckin’ bullet rips your head open, and splatters your brain everywhere.  Now…are you gonna give a shit what color pants the mother-fucker who shot you was wearing!

Saw Wonka last night…how creepy amazing was Johnny Depp.  That was a big improvement from Gene Wilder, although the oompa-loompas left something to be desired.  I hoped they’d take some of the retro-ness from the original.  They also left out the “Burp Charlie, Burp” scene, and added in some Wonka family shots.

So…the only thing making life worth livable, is knowing that for under a grand, I could be in Israel by Wed. afternoon, exchanging my labors for life on a kibbutz.  Let see what else I can concoct.

Topic: post inspired by jelera

This is the first time I’ve been on my computer at home in a month.  Since I’ve begun work, which involves my eyes glued to a screen for nearly 8 hours (fuck me…my good eyesite is going to disappear, isn’t it…)  Anyways…it feels good to sit behind this screen at home, and not be where I was a month ago, which was jobless and hopeless.  Like the Smiths song, “I was looking for a job, and then I found a job, and heaven knows I’m miserable now,” except, I’m not nearly as miserable as I was before the job, and now that income is flowing in, there is certainly new hope for future action.

Anyways…jelera posted about hand-washed laundry.  I think laundry is a good post-topic.  In college laundry was fun because you never know who you’d meet.  I met a girl once who folded my laundry because she pitied my own folding skills.  When I studied in London I once had to cover every inch of my room, the heaters, door, desk, bed, everything, with my wet clothes because the dryer wasn’t running.  Senior year I could be spotted crossing the Loop, a popular street in St. Louis, with laundry basked in tow. 

Now…last year in S. Africa, almost nobody uses a dryer.  And why would you when you have beautiful sunny weather like they do.  While working at Outward Bound, I had my first opportunity (actually…I have faint memories of doing this in boy scout camp back in the day), but I washed my clothes by hand.  Bucket of water, and a bar of soap shoved in a sock.  You use that sock as your scrubber…or so that’s how I was shown.

Part of what makes Dan (me) a unique character, is how I blend the various lifestyles I’ve come across.  I wish I could say I do my laundry by hand at home. I don’t.  But I do where clothes multiple times in a row without blinking an eye.  I have a pair of linen pants that my family had me by the summer of ’02 for an internship, which turned out to be a casual dress internship, so I never wore the pants.  Three years later, and not only am I wearing these things all the time, but I sleep in them, wear them to the park, nights out, they even pass for formal pants.  Recently my family has been giving me crap about them…the very same nice pants they made me buy in the first place!!! 

They must have dirt stained on their eyeballs because everytime I wear these pants, and virtually anything else I own, they complain about how dirty I look.  I see nothing of the sort!!!  I hope that a sterile work environment doesn’t turn my eyes into dirt-vision eyes.  But I doubt that…because clothing just gets more comfortable the more you wear it, and besides, who wants to do laundry that frequently anyways?

Just spoke to my sis…she’s a counselor on a teen tour, and was in Disneyland when we spoke.  Distance and travelling have always been warm spots in my heart, and I think despite the many complaints my sister had about the trip, the fact that she was taking part in a program like this took away the usual edgyness that comes out in our usual conversations when she was just going to her job every day.  And…while she was full of all these stories of where she’s been, I had to fill her shoes, and say, “nothing exciting doing here, really.” 

For now…I simply say, “I’m brewing plans, but i’ll leave it at that.”  I’ve come to learn who I can discuss plans w/, and who I must wait until plans have hatched to share them with.  Certain people I know will offer encouragement, others advice, others conversation, and others debate.  When it comes to my life, I have 0 interest in debate, both because I am non-confrontational by nature, but more importantly, because it’s my life and if you’re disagreeing with it, than go to hell!!!  Or rather…you can disagree w/ me as long as you’re still on my side at the end of the day.

Oh…and WFT.  I sold 15 books to someone yesturday.  Rather…this person bought them off me, and is trying to give them to a principal friend of his in a NYC school, to see if they can’t get them into a classroom, where they belong!!!

My school paper at Wash U. just came out w/ their freshman welcome edition.  That jolted a lot of memories I forgot I had.  I think more than most schools, our school paper reflects the unique community our school had.  50% of the articles are usually comedic observations/musings about campus life.  For me, however, my memories are more of feelings than of actual events.  I can remember the anticipation of college, wondering about my roommate, the whole moving-in atmosphere, getting acquiainted w/ St. Louis w/ my parents and buying all the dorm things. 

Who here misses having a dry-erase boards outside of their room!!! 

My sister recalled the fact she’s coming up to her 10-year college reunion this year.  That gives away her age.  I swear, these two years since college have felt infinite, and at the same time they’ve gone as fast as any two years, I realize.