November 14, 2005

• Topic:  A serious topic, my grandmother, and her life.

  
  

  On Fri. night, I get a call from my sister that my grandmother went to the hospital.  What was first just a headache, turned out to be a stroke.  There are two kinds of stroke you can have, one where you have a clot in the brain that blocks the flow of blood, and the second where a blood vessel in the brain actually pops, and blood begins leaking.  My grandmother suffered the latter.

  
  

  She was quickly transported to a hospital in Brooklyn w/ a stroke center.  The news that was relayed to me was that, “it didn’t look good.”  Yesturday I went to see her, and I had those fears confirmed.  She’s alive, she’s breathing, sometimes on a machine, a little bit on her own.  Her heart is strong.  She even has brain activity.  But…the reality is that there is little hope for her waking up.  The next few days will be trying ones for my entire family. 

  
  

  My grandmother is 76, her husband, my grandfather is 87.  It’s funny that my grandmother was always the healthy one, and had never been in a hospital before, “except for when she gave birth,” my grandfather noted, with his usual smile and good natured sense of humor.  Options are still being explored.  She may continue to live, but what kind of life she have we can only imagine.  “I’ll take her as a vegetable…she’ll still make for a wonderful salad,” another comment of my grandfather.

  
  

  It is sad, I am sad, we are all sad…but at the same time, our lives are going on and almost with a renewed sense of purpose.  It’s been a while since I’ve been all together w/ my family, and really the first time since I’ve felt more like an adult.  As I begin taking responsibility for my life, I also feel it’s now my responsibility to build relationships w/ my family, not just waiting around for holidays and excepting presents, but making phone calls (or simply sharing e-mails during the day), having meals together, and sharing and giving what we can w/ one another.  That’s how things felt yesturday.  Even in my own home, a sense that as a family, we are a team.  We are w/ each other now, and will support each other for as long as we live.  Old grudes, bad feelings or attidues towards others must be tossed away…and in my family, there really isn’t much of that at all.  But now, a renewed sense that we are not just family, but should become close friends.

  
  

  My grandmother kept a prayer book that she read from every night.  There’s also been several conversations with rabbis about the situation.  Judaism was something that has been very important and comforting for my family, and in a time like this, I can clearly see how great the value is. 

  
  

  I have taken comfort in the belief that my grandmother is still able to hear us when we talk to her, and that the collective thoughts of my family being with her are in some way known to her. 

  
  

  But…life continues.  Mine, yours, the worlds.  These things happen.  As JFK said, “we are all mortal.”  We must do as Morrie did, and fill our lives like an overflowing bowl of soup.  We must do as my friend Johnny said, and live our lives like we have giants nets that catch experiences, every day something new to be treasured.

  
  

  This morning, I took a break from my gym, located on the 25th floor of the Herald Towers.  And I soaked in New York City.  From that one balcony, I could throw a rock and hit the Empire State Building, once the tallest building in the world, Macy’s…the world’s largest dept. store.  I could see the building for the New Yorker, look down 6th Ave. to Central Park, the Hudson River and the East River.  I could spend a lifetime in this city…I just might.

  • 11:38 am
  • 7 Comments