April 18, 2005
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Topic: to the woods, then a break
So…today i finally said enough. It’s like feeling sea-sick, fine one minute, then puking, then fine. At some point, you just need to get to shore. So…after this course (which i almost couldn’t muster starting this morning, but i have an amazing co-instructor who has re-energized me), i have requested some time off. Maybe i’ll want to work my next course, maybe not. Maybe i’ll be ready for the following course, maybe not. But…i had to put it out there that something is off, and maybe a change of pace is needed.
I’m a bit concerned for myself…because i am low on cash flow, and don’t have a plan B. It’s not like there’s another job i would rather be doing…and it’s not like i’m anti-work. I’ll do things, it’s just finding a place that’s good for me. And i’m torn by the pressure to not be poor, to not be “doing nothing” productive w/ my life, to not be going on 24 and not have a stable social life…but deep down I know that I can get away with just enough money, I can get away with “exploring life,” and I can get away with going on 24 and feeling the freedom to go several different routes in life.
What is my vision of my future??? It does not include a car, or an apartment, or anything else that will require a lot of money. And I know that living in one place…or living a more normal lifestyle where i’m in a city, meeting people, making plans…does not guarantee a great group of friends, or exciting happenings.
Even as i’ve gotten side-tracked from my passion of education, and of learning even, I know that i can always return to that path. Right now i’m craving organic education…waking up, making plans for the day, meeting strangers, exploring a new place, creating adventure. Maybe sit on a balcony for the evening sipping on beers, listening to music…
Well…to bed for me now. After this course…i’ll be free to think about where i’ll make money, and to think about the world again beyond this bubble i feel stuck in.
Comments (1)
i think you did the brave thing dan. so many people settle for where the money is – and you’re doing the hard thing, to take a risk with no fall back and no safety net.
i’m envious