April 15, 2005
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I had a chat w/ my sis, who is also going through some life issues. She’s older, so the marriage things is on her mind, but also jobs, where she lives. I guess I have a lifetime of this to look forward to.
The fact that punched me in the face is that I’m 2-years out of college. A part of me hears that and thinks, wtf!!! I’m not a kid anymore…i have a hard time being around the kids i’m supposed to work w/, because i no longer see myself as a role model. I feel like potential wasted.
This is self-pity, isn’t it?
I can’t rely on leads anymore. I can’t expect my ideas to lead to work where my ideas get discussed. I’m being pushed into thinking practically. Be a guidance counselor. Maybe go back to my camp this summer and work my way up there.
I’m completely w/out a plan. When i finished college, i thought i’d spend 2 years trying outward bound out, see if it led to a career. i can’t even dream of a job i’d like to do.
this is overcoming my previous interest in being interested in everything. i can’t focus on reading, on people, on my own job. i felt more at home waiting tables than i do now. let me read…books often help.
