March 12, 2005

• TOPIC: THE BANFF FILM FESTIVAL…ALONE ACROSS AUSTRALIA

  
  

  Anyone want to hear an inspiring story, look up John Muir.  This guy hiked 1600 miles across Australia, south to north, the first person to ever do this alone, without any re-supply!!!  He carried a 300lb. cart that included his camera gear to film himself, and the hike took about 120 days.  Through the deserts, he found water in the footprints of camels, for food, he had a rifle to hunt a bird, and found as many as 50 different species of fruit and vegetables.  He also traveled w/ his trusty Jack Russel dog.

  
  

  A truly amazing film, Muir’s wilderness skills were beyond belief, mostly taken from the native aboriginals.  When he lost his sleeping bag, he found himself sleeping between two fires to stay warm.  Needing 4-liters of water a day, he often spent 4hours a day boiling the salt out.

  
  

  So…why did he do it?  For the adventure.  To push his limits.  To get in touch w/ a primitive way of life that is almost extinct today.  He had an upbeat Australian “no worries” attitude for most of the trip, occassionally making comments like, “I don’t feel lonely, just very very alone,” as he wandered as a spot in the dry desert.

  
  

  Also…saw some videos of extreme skiing, people skiing off cliffs w/ parachutes, a woman who went to the extereme NE of Russia scouting white water kayaking, mountain bikers who could control their bikes like gymnasts, hopping their wheels on hand rails.

  
  

  Then…last night I had a dream about traveling, the world map was all disjointed, so I could walk from Aus. to Costa Rica since they were next door to each other. 

  
  

  I woke up the other day w/ an extreme feeling of fright.  I realized how directionless I am socially and career wise.  After Aug., my life is a big ?  I’ve made plans to travel w/ a friend, and I know how much travel makes me feel alive, but the thought of it also scares the shit out of me. 

  
  

  It’s really hit home how different my upbringing is from a lot of people.  There’s someone I work w/ who grew up as a youth-at-risk, being sent to boarding schools and other programs for drugs.  He spent a year hitchhiking, he’s smoke w/ his mom, he ran away from school and after getting arrested, once bailed on the police after being let out on bail.  He went to festivals, following bands like the Dead.  He’s completely changed his life now and wants to help others who grew up like him.

  
  

  For people like this…the idea of just traveling or exploring the world is natural.  It’s what they know.  What do I know?  I know college degrees, health insurance, nice houses, cars.  The life I dream of living runs contrary to so much of the life that “I know.”  I hear stories of people doing crazy and exciting things, and feel jealous and judging at the same time.  I can’t escape my upbringing.

  
  

  Yes…this was a good week, I’m in a better situation in many ways than I have been for most of this year, and I’m certainly going to have some interesting stories coming up.  But I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t still rather conflicted by life.  My first year after college was a year to remember and dream about, while this year is one I wish would just pass. 

  
  

  Towards the end of my book…I wrote something about what I would do if my book failed at its mission. “If this book doesn’t spark a conversation, if nothing changes, than I won’t feel as though my ideas were wrong, only that they failed to lead to change.  So…I’d quicly move on and do something less “world changing” but still equally fun and exciting.  Well…I’m here in Baltimore because I’m clinging to my dreams of changing something in this world.  My #1 goal has to be having a real sit-down talk w/ the executive director here, and telling my entire story.  If I can find a way to work my visions directly into Outward Bound, than I have done the exact right thing by working here.  If not…as I’m preparing myself for, my life will be as millions of others my age find life, completely in the air.  I can’t even imagine what’s next, and I’m afraid traveling will just become an escape, since I don’t know what I want to do with my life.

  
  

  I DON’T KNOW WHAT I WANT TO DO WITH MY LIFE.  Wow…feels good to finally say that.  Now, I’m just like everyone else, I’ve become the stereotypical 20-something.  I don’t know what my dream job is anymore. 

  • 1:09 pm
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