February 25, 2005

• It just dawned on me that next Monday I begin my 3-week orientation with Outward Bound in Baltimore…feeling the usual combination of excitement and anxiety, new job, new people, new adventure.  It also means that my nearly 3-months of crash-couching, philosophizing, table waiting, psuedo-interning, internet surfing, bookstore lounging, NYC visiting, are coming to an end.

  
  

  I think one of the reasons I have a hard time thinking long-term, is I recognize how significant just one-month can be.  As I highly reflective person, I am now forced to recognize the intensity of what has been the least physically and socially active months I have experienced in a long time. 

  
  

  For starters, I feel as though I’ve tasted the depths of anti-social anti-physical behavior, and I am looking forward to the environment change.  Otherwise…this has really been the period of the Xanga.  I haven’t spent this much time on the internet, and it is likely I won’t have such an opportunity for a while.  I’ve easily covered ideas that would range over several college courses, and I’ve begun to develop a framework for understanding society in a more rational way. 

  
  

  I’ve had to do battle w/ my own psychology, always quick to see things in absolutes.  I’ve come to recognize who I am a bit more, and who I’d like to be.  And…most importantly, I know that there are people out there that can push me and I need to find more of those people in my life.  Starting now, I must begin to surround myself by people who will constantly challenge me, and help me discover more of the world than I could ever hope to discover on my own.

  
  

  While I consider thinking about life to be an act of living, I also believe that 99% of the world exists outside of the mind.  I don’t want to be a buddhist monk, completely at peace w/ the world, only because I’ve spent my life isolated from the world.  I’m looking forward to seeing new places, meeting new people, having new and exciting conversations.

  
  

  For example…last night i went out w/ my sister’s roommate and her friend Z, 26.  Z just got his GMAT scores back, wasn’t happy, and after throwing back a few shots of bourbon, he was temporarily happy, only to virtually pass out at the table.  The waitress warned us that the bar has a rule, “if he can’t keep his head up, he’s got to go.”  well…there’s a reason for that rule, as Z. gets up, nearly collapses on another table, and I usher him, all 6’2″ 200+ to the urinal (someone was in the stall) to let it fly.

  
  

  before this, while Z. had his head rested on the table, i chatted w/ my sis’ roommate about intermarriage.  She had gone through a religious phase, and said she was opposed to intermarriage, “until I met a wonderful Indian guy 2-weeks ago.” I guess that’s how it goes, you have your preferences, but sometimes it’s what falls into your lap.  The upper-west side of NY has a large religious population, and although it is a community where you can always find yourself a Friday night dinner, it’s also, from what little I’ve been exposed to, is a community where secular issues trump religious practice.  Gossip.  Politics.  The ups and downs of relationships and jobs.  Puking from too much booze.  I asked Z. why he even took the GMAT’s, and his only reason was he was planning to apply to Columbia for an MBA, although he couldn’t give a good reason why besides the glory of getting in.  So…w/out putting down religion, it’s been revealed to me how the most important thing is to have control over your secular life, the life of now.

  
  

  I’ve been living out of my environment for too long.  While finding a religious environment is managable, finding a secular one is more difficult.  I love to travel.  I love the outdoors.  I’m interested in living communally.  I want to learn more about all aspects of the world.  At times this past week I’ve envied people w/ their own apartments, with stable jobs, who have achieved complete financial independence, who are in an opportunity to date and develop relationships.  It’s a life that I could accept at anytime, and it’s a life that could easily grow on me. 

  
  

  Yet…I still sense there’s a better life for me.  And as long as I have that sense, I know that I cannot lose for seeking out that life.  If I’m wrong, I tried.  If I didn’t try, I’d always have a pit in my stomach.  But if i’m right, if I discover the life that is in my dreams, I will be at peace w/ myself in the latter stages of my life.

  
  

  I’m nearly done creating my mission statement, and I think it’s an interesting thing to try, and I hope to display it to you soon.  (my sister told me there was a news report of someone who got fired for something they blogged.  It made me think of all i’ve written, but i’ve always thought of journaling as a good way to monitor yourself.  if i’m not willing to write it, then i shouldn’t be thinking or doing it…(for the most part),  ultimately, I hope that my blogging will be recognized as an assett in whatever job I find myself in.)  At the end of the day, I want to work and live in an environment where you love or hate me for who I am.  As you can guess…I’ve even made a highly personalized resume, which not only gives me a leg up for being different, but if someone doesn’t want me, i probably don’t want them.

  
  

  Anyways…i’ve realized that being only in a bar environment and surrounded by young people, I’ve been in a culture where people are looking for someone, and looking to settle down a bit.  When the time is right, i’ll meet someone.  I think the personal journey is the most important, and I’d rather find someone who wants to share a similar journey, than to cut my journey short to find someone to share “a life,” with.  I want more than a life, because I’ve already tasted that there is so much out there.  I’m young, 23, but old, almost in my mid-twenties and nearly two years out of college.  I am ready to start making things happen.

  
  

  Here is an absolutely inspiring article I found on thenarrator’s site about an 11-year old student boycotting a standardized test.  Another interesting point in the article was regarding a man named George Wood (who I met in San Fran at an education conference this past fall…how cool!!!) who is a school principle who has to hold back his son from graduating because his son also refuses to take standardized tests.  This reminds me that w/ the right backing and organization, I can help students make school and life work for them, instead of students working for the system.

  
  

  I’ll end w/ a Bill Maher quote this weekend about today’s kids.  It was reported that a large percentage of kids today think the gov’t should be able to regulate the media. 

  
  

  “Kids are supposed to rage against the machine, not for the machine.  Kids are supposed to question authority, not question those who question authority.”

  
  

  -dan

  • 10:02 pm
  • 3 Comments