August 25, 2004
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I will be patient. I will be positive. But, right now I’m angry. And…the professor who inspired me to write and take action, once said that the first step to bringing about change is to get angry.
Everything is fucked up. Excuse me, but everything is. I’m really getting tired of just thinking. I’m getting tired of wanting to take action. But what the hell are we doing. We are too small. And I know someone has a clever response for why what we are doing by talking about the problems is important. but right now, i’d say bullshit to that.
Why am I so upset? Because nothing matters anymore. Because every book in the god-damn book store is the same thing. Books trashing Bush, books trashing the trashers. Yes, there is a book that puts the spin on Michael Moore and exposes him.
Our country is polarized. And it’s a joke. I picked up a book called “Brainwashed” about college education. I was temporarily excited, until I realized the whole book was about how liberal America’s colleges are, and, in an effort to show the unbalance, the book just bashed liberals, praised conservatives, and his end note was to have conservatives pool their money together to create a balanced university. Obviously, the bashing goes both way, but it’s always bashing. I thought the book was a joke, calling for a balanced university. Nothing is balanced.
And i’ll tell you, i tried to get inside that authors head, i tried to understand the republican arguments, and i found him 100% justified to take cracks at liberals. It has to go both ways, after all. But, reading this book made it oh so clear how we have all these ideas ingrained into our minds about what is right and wrong, that we can’t even treat each other as people.
all i know is this election means nothing. i hope bush wins. i really do. a country needs to hit bottom before they can look up. we haven’t hit bottom. let pessimism reign. let another 9/11 happen. let the rnc get blown up. how would we react then? would we cheer or mounr?
We have the answers to all this. We have the people who want to question our government. Their voices are so quiet. We have intellectuals who can present new perspectives. Their voices are unheard. We have history to tell us what’s going on. We don’t know. I don’t need reasons for why everything w/ politics and society is so fucked up. Reasons won’t help right now. Where is the action? I’m tired of living in this culture, i love the highs, the lows are shit.
i want to live on an island, let the world bitch, the them cry. i want to run away from it all and enjoy a pina colada on the beach. there is pleanty of beauty and wonder to be seen in the world, pleanty of adventure to be had. we don’t need to be heroes. let’s just fuckin’ party. i’m a prisoner of my own culture sometimes, and i’m ready to get out.
I can’t wait to promote this book. I’m having a laugh. Two months for me to play. Two months for me to travel. I won’t be a prisoner anymore. Not the way my friend is who i saw today. he’s a prisoner of money, but i can’t express that to him. his a prisoner to his job, and that he knows. god…this world is so fuckin’ isolated, i’m tired of being at home. tom. i go to the city, i’m gonna go fuckin’ nuts, i can’t wait to see what i can do. i need to meet people, i need to get out, i’ve created a hermit, only home for 2 weeks, it’s too much, i can’t believe i grew up like this.
