Currently eating:

more pointilism…notice how George W. Bush’s face is created out of dead soldiers.  Pretty neat, huh?

and Nipple Jesus, a story by Nick Hornby, also touches on this topic.  It’s about a security guard who’s asked to guard a picutre of Jesus made out of porno nipples. 

Sometimes I look at characters in fictional things, and wonder if there are really people like that out there.  Like…you see a clutzy kind of character, and a part of you wants to identify w/ them, and then you worry, “what if the writers just made them up completely, and you’re really the clutz, but actually you’re a clutz x 2 for identifying w/ that fictional clutz.”

Sometimes…when I feel like shit, or completely out of place in this world, I read something and suddenly feel like I’m the normal one.  But…when I put the book down, it’s just back to where I started.  Let’s face it…nobody really wants to feel shitty, but feeling that way has a romantic appeal when you can identify with a fictional character.  “See…here’s why I’m miserable, it’s the way I’m supposed to feel.”

I hate waking up in the morning because the snap out of dream state hurts.

I’m not saying i’m miserable at all.  This post is more to write about the human condition.  I figure there’s only certain topics you can post about.  Either you’re writing about things, or you’re writing about the human condition.  And there’s never a shortage of content or a need to be an expert to write about the latter.

I think dreaming is one of the most pleasurable things we have.  I can look back at photos and know I was no happier in the past than I am now, but the dreaming is most pleasurable.

How pleasurable is it to watch the travel channel!  But can anticipation, even if never realized, be fulfilling?  I think to some extent it can.

I’m starting to think that people who start to think things are full of shit

but…full as shit as i am…i’m starting to think that it’s ok to postpone pleasure till the unknown future.  I could live abroad, volunteer, and do all kinds of crazy shit till i’m 30, but enjoying my 20s that way could easily compromise my 30s.  and since the pleasure of the 20s would soon become the past, and my 30s would be spent thinking about life in my 40s, wouldn’t it be best to spend life working in anticipation of distant pleasures?

You know all those stories of people leaving the rat race to do something they love.  I’m beginning to think (there’s that wonderful expression again), that the reason they do that is because they’ve made themselves rather rich first.  They possibly postponed doing something they loved to do.  So…to simply avoid the rat race because of the belief that in just a few years time you’re going to want to jump out of the rat race, maybe isn’t so smart.  It’s not smart because the rat race gives you financial independance, and that’s what it’s all about.

Here’s a better picture that demonstrates Seurat’s use of pointilism.  It’s really a mind-boggling thing when you think about it, how a face can be differentiated from another simply by using dots.  Pointilism is quite the magic-eye trick.  Another of the Eiffel Tower:

Now…here’s a painting by Monet called “Impression, Sunrise.” 

This painting is considered to be the beginning of the impressionist art movement.  Seurat’s paintings are considered to be the beginning of the neo-impressionist art movement.  The difference?  Seurat’s pointilism was more scientific than the impressionist style of Monet.  Both are pleasurable to the eye, but clearly neo-impressionism was a more difficult task.  Some of Seurat’s paintings took 1-2 years, while Monet could paint an image in a day. 

Question: This whole idea of periods receiving titles like “impressionist,” ”neo-impressionist,” “modern” “post-modern,” where does this come from?  They apply to art, music, literature, and philosophy.  I’ve heard there’s actual professional organizations that decide whether someone/something deserves to fit into the category.  Ugh…my ignorance hurts  I like both Monet and Seurat, but perhaps they didn’t get along because of their varying techniques…  

Yeah…and w/ Seurat we also have his buddy Paul Signac with this pretty pointi-painting:
“Port St. Tropez”

A movie worth seeing, is Mad Hot Ballroom.  Today I watched the championships at the Winter Garden atrium, located next to the 9/11 site.  Various 5th graders do the Foxtrot, Marengue, Tango, Swing, and the Ramba…some of the cutest kids I’ve ever seen!

This painting is called “Springtime on La Jette,” painted by Monet.

I found this after searching for this painting, made famous in Ferris Beuller’s Day Off.

“Sunday afternoon on La Jette” by Seurat.

Why is this painting so famous, I’m not sure, besides the fact that Cameron is obsessed w/ it, and I always found myself connecting with his character.

It’s a generally pleasant painting. 

This one’s called “Grey Weather Grand Jette”

Well…time for a late night blog.  A chance to confess, muse, bitch, and laugh into the internet abyss.

Tomorrow I’m heading into NYC.  First, I’m meeting w/ a friend for lunch in Jersey.  Mind you…I’ve never gone to Jersey on my own, and I’m likely to find myself getting lost.  This friend is a special friend, we met about five years ago at a public policy type event in New York.  We spent a lot of time on the phone, mostly debating god and religion, and for about three years we only saw each other twice, it was one of those kinds of friendships, but recently, we’ve been getting in touch more often, which is a good thing.  The occassion tomorrow is a Jewish holiday called Shavuot, which, until today, I didn’t even realize was occuring, and to be honest, I had no idea what it was about.

Apparently, it’s a holiday commemorating Moses getting the 10 commandments.  There’s only two other tidbits I know about this holiday, one is that Jews (the religious ones) spend an entire evening studying the Torah.  And the second, is that it’s traditional to eat dairy.  Tonight, we had blintzes, which are my favorite, and are essentially crepes stuffed w/ a sweet ricotta cheese, and traditionally w/ sour cream or apple sauce accomanying it.  So…tom. I’m having a shavuot lunch w/ my friend, I think it’ll be our 10th time seeing each other, which coincided w/ the 10 commandments (my friend is more religious and might see the “miracle” in that).

Wednesday I have a phone interview with Liberty Travel.  I’m both excited and nervous for it.  Nervous because I have no back-up plans, and also nervous because I’ve never really wanted to be a travel agent.  Excited because I’m looking forward to the opportunity to get hired for my first full-time, salaried, health care providing job.  Also excited because this job might expedite the process of me being able to purchase such things as rent for a NYC apartment, one day perhaps.  As for the perks and learning opportunities that would come w/ being a travel agent…I’m gonna keep those on hold so as to not get my hopes up.

So…i’ve begun reading Cat’s Cradle.  I think I need to look-up some cliff notes, because there’s clearly a reason this book is so well-read, but right now it’s coming off as not the most interesting thing I’ve ever come across.

And apparently, the Mets are getting a new stadium in a few year’s time.  There were plans for this a few years back, a retractable dome and an old-style feel, like Camden Yards.  I’m not sure what it’s actually going to look like, but I pray they keep the giant neon ballplayers on the outside, it doesn’t get more classy than that.

Now that the Michael Jackson trial is over…let’s hope we never hear from him again, except seeing some of his old music videos.  The same goes for “Iron” Mike Tyson, who quit after 6 rounds the other night.  His glory days ended when Mike Tyson’s punch-out was in every 10 year-old boys Nintendo.

Topic: unhealthy habits

So…I have this really unhealthy habit.  It involves blogging.  It involves coming off as normal or healthy, when right now, I feel anything but those things.  I guess people will blog about being depressed or various other things, and so I know i’m not the only one going through a bad phase.  Part of me worries this is more than just a funk, that it has more to do w/ my personality than w/ my external environment.  Some people may be able to relate to that. 

That blind camp just got in touch w/ me, I thought I might be working there as a supervisor w/ the potential to be an asst. director during the year.  The last supervisor job has been filled, so i’m left w/ being a counselor, and somehow I doubt it will now lead to a year-round job. 

I’m back to square one…and i haven’t really been much of a job hunter.  I don’t want to be around people, and I don’t want to be alone usually. 

There’s something really obvious that I need to be accepting about myelf.  I don’t know exactly what it is.  It’s probably that I need to start being much more constructive rather than destructive about my life. 

What do I want?
Why do I want it?
How am I going to get it?
Is it realistic? 

We’re really getting back to basics here…   

Spent the afternoon glueing together some African sculptures that broke in transit (yes…this was over a year ago, and i’m just now doing this).  Here’s photos of the type of sculptures I’m talking about, and will one day fill my home with:

topic: random people from former lives

1) i got a friendster request from a girl i knew when i was a soph. in college.  4 years w/out talking, and i get a non-verbal “hi…i’m still alive” i guess the internet is good in that it lets you know these people are still alive, and that they still recognize your existence, although it always stinks that so much time has passed and in most cases, except for a brief “hi…i’m still alive” time will continue to pass

2) went to a bar in town…ran into hs people, i guess it’s good to know they’re still alive, but on the whole, it makes me want to live in a place where i can be alive w/out them knowing.

3) went to the camp bus today to see some friends from summers past.  Two people who i worked w/ in ’03 and haven’t seen in two years, and a bunch from last summer.  All Aussies and one Scot.  All bubbly and excited to see each other and know that the next 2 mos. they have to catch up.  It was a tease for me, they wanted to smuggle me onto the bus and just like that i’d be in fantasyland again.  But…it was just good to see them and know that they exist, and for them to know I’m still alive too.  It was strange to have these foreigners trying to influence my life “just delay life for 2 more months and come to camp.” 

4) i’m walking back to the train to head home, stop at a red light, turn around for a moment, and see this guy walking towards me.  takes me a second to recognize it’s an old friend who i went on a summer program w/ back in ’97.  Now that’s going back a while.  He’s moving into the city, working on the mercantile, has a girl, we exchanged numbers. 

So…that’s 4 random occaurances today. 

Saw the Longest Yard…good for a few cheap laughs. 

Topic: currently reading

So…i have a confession to make.  99% of the time that i’ve posted on the books i’m reading, i haven’t really been reading the book.  I don’t post them often, but when i did in the past, i was more skimming through ‘em.  On some people’s sites you see a different book all the time, it’s kind of intimidating, like “Shit…i’m a slow reader if i’m not reading a book a week.”

Anyways…my mom took out the Closers from the library, and i’m about 30 pages from finishing it.  It’s surprisingly taken me 3-days (today being nearly a full day of reading), but it’s really the most page-turning book I’ve come across in a long time. 

I haven’t read a light, fun, fiction book in a while.  A good ol’ story about a teenage girl who gets stolen from her room, shot and murdered.  17 years later case gets re-opened, and there’s your story.  It was more like reading an episode of Law & Order, which my parents obsessively watch but i’ll probably start watching after reading this book.

Jon Stewart interviewed Colin Powell tonight…don’t you wish his show was an hour!  So conversational…and by bringing in a rare guest straight from the Bush cabinet, you actually get a rare feeling that there’s actually some intelligent people there.

Bush on the other hand…still a bit slow.  There was a clip of him w/ Tony Blair discussing aid to Africa. 

Bush: “Funny story…I remember when Condi asked me, hey George, are you going to pay attention to Africa, and I said I would.” 

Oh…it’s just so sad.

And his guest, Steven Johnson, wrote a book on why pop culture is good for us.  So…to all those, “I don’t watch tv because it’s bad,” well…sure, some of it sucks, but, it ain’t going away just cuz you’re not watching it, so cozy up on the couch and enjoy the boob tube.

Even Jon Stewart eluded to the idea that we watch too much tv, perhaps.  It might be strenghthening our brains in some way, but, “what about ol’ fashion talking.”  A friend the other night went on one of those speaches about the doom and gloom of society, and how we’re not connected enough w/ our roots, w/ nature, how we’re so distracted by technology.  Well…before all this technology, what was there to talk about?  After asking “how was your day?” you wouldn’t be able to follow-up w/ “Hey…did you see the Daily Show last night?”

More tv = more socialness of society.

No more life updates still…meaning, I’m tired of talking about me for a while.

Has anyone ever seen those Ali G skits where he plays Borat, the guy from Kazakastan.  Yeah…well I met him today.  Well, not actually him, but I met a guy who does business in Kazakastan on the train, and just like Borat, he started asking me all these strange things. 

Borat guy: “So…how do you do the sex here?”

Me: “What do you mean?”

Borat guy: “The sex…do people do it on the train?”

Me: “Hmmm…usually not.  You might see people kiss, but more than that you’ll go to jail.”

Borat guy: “So what I do in New York?”

Me: “Central Park is nice.”

Borat guy: “Central Park, what is there?  Is there sex?”

I’m refraining from any real-life drudgery updates, because it’s just drudgery, and I’ll post what I’m doing when I have something worth posting.

George Carlin joke of the day:

“I can’t believe anyone would pay more $1 for water.  You know what Evian spelled backwards is?  Naive!”

“You know it’s impossible to sneeze and pee at the same time.  You just can’t do it!”

“I think China’s gonna win it all.”

Friday is looming.  Friday I’m scheduled to head up to camp…and I’ve been denying the fact that I’m going, expecting to call them that day and bail out…so when Friday does come and I end up likely going, what’s that going to be like?

It’ll be 1 part emotional relief, being in a healthy social setting, hearing familiar Austalian voices again.  Forgetting whatever it is that has me worried now.  But…some of that worry is likely to carry over, such as, what am I doing this year?

I watched this awfully cheezy show w/ Jason Priestly playing the role of a Joe Mililionaire type character, it was a made-for-tv movie about a reality show.  On one of his dates, the girl asks him what he wants to do w/ his life… where he sees himself going.  He fumbled big time on that one.

Tom. I have my first real job interview ever, and considering I’ve only applied for two jobs, I guess it’s pretty important that I get some kind of an offer.  I think I tend to fear things because they’re abstract and unknown, and the second you put a face behind it, things change…so I’m actually looking forward to this interview tom. (doing a camp for the blind…which will start sounding cool the more i say it, but it’s more a job i’m applying for because it’s there, it’s not a job that i’ve been staring at for months).

last night was one of the best night’s i’ve had in a long time…great conversations, drinking outside on a warm night, my friend’s room feels like a coffee house, listening to good tunes, reading some of George Carlin’s book, hearing my friend discuss his many political and life theories…one of those guys who can quote almost every book he reads, truly astounding.

My favorite thought of his, was about media coverage.  “When we bombed Afghanastan, CNN literally pulled out a map and did a little map lesson.  It’s like our news only covers foreign countries if they’re countries we’re bombing the shit out of.”  How true.