Topic: nothing deep

saw the Mets play tonight…they stunk it up. 

saw War of the Worlds…pretty blah.

realizing more and more how amazing my parents are…as people and the skills they have.  i associate my house w/ amazing food, and my parents are out of town, and suddenly, i realize how much of my mom’s talent for food i don’t have.  then…a small piece broke off the air conditioner, and i realize how much of my dad’s talent for fixing things i don’t have.  i’m gonna have to find a girl w/ many talents whose willing to pick up the slack for me, bit time. 

Topic: hilarious song

Heaven Knows I’m Miserable Now: By the Smiths

I was happy in the haze of a drunken hour
But heaven knows I’m miserable now

I was looking for a job, and then I found a job
And heaven knows I’m miserable now


In my life
Why do I give valuable time
To people who don’t care if I live or die ?


Two lovers entwined pass me by
And heaven knows I’m miserable now


I was looking for a job, and then I found a job
And heaven knows I’m miserable now

In my life
Oh, why do I give valuable time
To people who don’t care if I live or die ?


What she asked of me at the end of the day
Caligula would have blushed


“You’ve been in the house too long” she said
And I (naturally) fled


In my life
Why do I smile
At people who I’d much rather kick in the eye ?


I was happy in the haze of a drunken hour
But heaven knows I’m miserable now


“You’ve been in the house too long” she said
And I (naturally) fled


In my life
Why do I give valuable time
To people who don’t care if I live or die ?

Alfie Kohn and John Taylor Gotto:

John Gotto, is actually spelled, John G”a”tto.  It’s an “a” not an “o”.  First of all, John Gatto is a former NYC teacher of the year winner, and then he retired that year and went to Carnegie Hall and began to make a career of school bashing.  I wrote about him in my book, and after hearing him speak this weekend, I had a chance to speak w/ him and give him a copy w/ my book.  And…I told him:

“By the way…I spelled your name wrong in my book.  Sorry ’bout that.”

To which he replied:

“That’s all right…i’ll read it tonight and make the appropriate edits.”

Nice guy…He began his speach by giving praise to school drop-outs, especially in the 3 industries in America that people spend the most money on, computers, fast food, and entertainment.  You get Bill Gates, Ray Kroc, Dave Thomas, the chick in the Indy 500…point being, many people realize that school does not allow individuals to develop some of their unique creativities.

He blended in a lot of economics and politics into his talk…which I won’t do any justice to here.  But…he made it clear how our corporate capitalistic society is only able to survive through the predictability of its consumers.  “When every store shelves purple shirts in the spring, they know exactly what they’re doing.”  Schooling cannot encourage questioning the status quo, or our economy would collapse.  Well…i sort of disagree, because even when we know things like McDonald’s burgers are just well-cooked pieces of shit-infested meat, we still go to eat it.  So, blame schools for some things, but not for all.

Alfie Kohn talked about the need to free students from not just tests and grades, but from praise.  “When you tell a kid good job, they come to do things w/ an eye always towards the praise.”  His philosophy was for teachers to stop controlling students, but to still maintain some structure to ensure they develop intellectually and morally.  What was interesting was a comment by a Sudbury teacher, which is a school w/ essentially 0 structure, who found Kohn offensive for suggesting that adults should bring any curriculum to the table. 

Then…today I watched the movie “The Emperor’s Club,” about a strict bording school, very traditional.  And after being at a conference of school bashing and hearing various philosophies for “free schools” I have floated back to a “it’s all relative” philosophy.  With the right student and attitude, traditional schooling can be alright, after all, all us school critics went through that system and are now somewhat functioning adults.  Then there was a speaker who said they wouldn’t allow their child to go to school unless they argued a strong case for it. “Anything they want to learn and accomplish they can and more if they only stay out of school.” 

A lot to digest…

Crimethink – Good book…I’ve basically embraced pieces of “anarchist philosophy” as they call it, such as living like a bum, trying to pursue the ideal life (last year), sleeping on couches, scamming businesses occassionally, idealist philosophy, plagiarism, not working.  But…Crimethink has a bias towards a certain lifestyle over others, which naturally opposes anarchy philosophy, but at least they acknowledge their own hypocracies.  They have a nostalgic view of community and living, so walking on the beach and listening to the waves is real living, but watching tv is fake living.  Bullshit to me, I say.  Just watch the new Andy Milonakis show on MTV, laugh your ass off, and tell me watching a kid throw bags w/ goldfish into a lake in order to “set them free” isn’t the dumbest/funniest shit ever, and every bit as alive as a stroll on the beach.

The other part of Crimethink philosophy I dislike is the idea that we must always be living solely for now.  Every second of our lives must be fulfilling our every bliss.  First of all…this is impossible, even fantasy land would become boring and mundane at times.  With this in mind, it’s no longer worth arguing against doing work that isn’t soul fulfilling, because life is full of ups-and-downs regardless, and if you want certain things, you work.  They talk about “selling your time,” but the truth is, is that every second of your life is being spent.  If you spend it relaxing at the beach, that’s good but it costs you the days wages you could have made for spending it doing something less idealistic but still possibly rewarding at a job.

If I lived 60 good years…but my 61st was miserable, it would be hard to leave this world w/ a smile.  So, it’s important to live for today with a willingness to sacrafice for the future.  And while I agree that pleasure can be found in a life w/out money, as the book points out, “it’s awfully hard to live outside the maintstream when everyone you know is living w/in it.”  I’d rather work less (ok…i’m unemployed, but this is a general principle) and not go out for meals ever because any prepared meal costs at least 10x what the food costs, but, if I want to meet up with people I need to make those concessions.

reading my first poem – so there was a talent show at the conference…and this guy sitting next to me gets up and does a “spontaneous performance” running and dancing on stage, and reciting a poem, that I later learned, was “spontaneously performed.”  It was truly something to observe, not only did he get half the audience up on stage to dance and move with him, but it was a perfect example of creating life out of the sterility of everyday being.

Anyways…this inspired me, because I”ve done my own spontaneous performances many times, only never in front of people.  So…I grabbed my book which contained a poem about schooling that was perfect for the moment.  Without my usual shaking, and pre-thought hesitations, I got up on stage, announced myself and my general stage fright, and went ahead and read (I’m too lazy to dig it up).  It was so easy, really…and I hope to try out some poetry in NYC soon, to see if this is something I can really make a part of my life.

xanga just kicked me off in the middle of a good post…damn. had some good stuff for you…but you’ll live

Topic: things to expound on:

Alfie Kohn and John Taylor Gott
Crimethink
reading my first poem
Troy, NY
absorbing the external world
conversations
regret vs. missed opportunities
snoring roommate
bumping into a xangan
job hunt
desires
home alone
mets bullpen
health and fitness

My friend borrowed me this book…days of war, nights of love.  It’s a fun read, a collection of left-wing counter-culture writers got together and put together this manual for revolution, only they know it’s more of a personal tool for living your own best life, than a tool for real change, because real change on a grand scale is imaginary.

What I enjoy about some of these readings is how it combines extreme political viewpoints w/ an honest philosophy about life.  You don’t get that from politics in the mainstream.  There was a section about why politics fails…it’s because it’s boring, and people’s lives are filled w/ enough things to have to worry about boring politics.  Politics isn’t supposed to be simply about politics of policy, it’s about the politics of life and how we live.  I was happy to read that, because it helped ground this book that is generally in the air with how things ought to be.

There was another section on plagiarism, which interested me.  Most of you don’t know this, but I got in trouble my last semester of college for just such an act.  While 99.9% of people think I should have been expelled (I only failed the course), I felt then, and feel now, that I was unjustly punished.  This book argues that anything that needs to be said, has been said already, and virtually everything we say is borrowed.  What we consider to be original, or our own words, are really ideas from other sources. 

In addition…what gives an author complete ownership over intellectual ideas?  If you copied something I wrote, it might be different because of the context.  I’m not making a complete argument in my defense, but it was just interesting to see someone else taking up that argument.  The book itself isn’t copyrighted, and in fact encourages others to reproduce it. 

Another section in the book talked about how people go on vacation and photo/video everything.  They were critical of the fact that people don’t live in the now…or some junk like that.  And that’s what i really hate about some forms of idealism (and here I am trying to grow out of my shell), is that they take a simple image, such as people staring through a lens while on vacation, and then they make a grand assumption about the quality of life of that person.  What happens…is the people taking the photos are probably just enjoying themselves, while the person criticizing the people taking the photos, are in a world of mental anguish because they’re concerned about others, while at the same time making a judgement that they know how to live life better.

The book goes on to talk about why people volunteer or do politics.  And it was talking from one political person to another, asking bluntly if the real reason they were doing it was because of a sense of moral superiority, or out of some sense of guilt.  It was really getting at the psychological reasons why people do what they do.

I think i’ve drained a bit of my life living in a real “Dan Bubble” of how the world should operate, which is ok, but not at the expense of still living in the real world.  At the end of the day, I should be able to come home and be normal w/ my friends and family, regardless of my own changes in philosophy. 

Tom. I need to get up early to bus it to the AERO (alternative education resource org.) conference, which is already in progress, but I’ll catch the speakers I want to hear for the weekend.  I received 15 books from cafepress today, fortunately, the back cover was printed wrong, so all my first letters on the left-side of the back cover are chopped off, an annoying inconvenience, but it turns into a financial savings for me

-dan

I just got my last order of Adbusters.  When I wrote my book (yes…it’s not too late to buy a copy ) I quoted some good articles, and in order to satisfy the magazine’s submissions department, I subscribed. 

Each magazine has a different theme.  This one, you guessed it, happened to be what’s wrong w/ our educational system.  As it turns out, Adbusters does a lot of “what’s wrong” articles, although to their credit they do show innovative things that might be considered “what’s right.”  But…after having spent a year of my life as a self-proclaimed expert on what’s wrong and what’s right, I now look at Adbuster’s w/ some healthy skepticism.

For example, some readers submitted letters about, “not going to law school, and instead pursuing my dream and not worrying about money.”  You know what that is, Douglas Coupland wrote it well in the book “Generation X,” that that is a fairly typical “I am more moral than you because I don’t need money,” attitude.

Another article told the story of a carpet cleaner.  He heard an inspirational speaker talk about how to improve your business and your life.  “Imagine what people would say about you at your funeral.”  This made the carpet cleaner think to himself, “I don’t want to be remembered as a carpet cleaner.”  While his point is obvious, the letter puts down all those people who do less-than-glamorous work and still live meaningful lives.

Another critic of today’s society wrote that people should stop spending so much time w/ technology like i-pods.  “More people should learn to play music and sit around playing together.”  I think I’d rather leave the music playing to those who do it best, thank you very much.

Not only have I come to disagree with much of the idealism Adbuster’s promotes, but in some ways I wonder if it might be unhealthy as well.  The things they promote are all well and good, organic eating, spending time with loved ones, etc. But many of their suggestions are only practical at the fringes, and for a few people.  Is homeschooling more humane than traditional schooling?  I’d say so.  Does it guarantee a “better” life for the child…well, nothing in life is a guarantee. 

I used to criticize schools, saying “our society is full of traditionally educated people, and in order to improve and change society, we cannot do it w/ the schools we have.”  What I failed to acknowledge also was, “our society is full of many successes and wonderful people who were traditionally educated, and we crying out for the end of school isn’t the solution either.”  I guess in that way…I have changed in my philosophy.

Adbusters takes the bleak, and generalizes it.  The cover is of a girl looking depressed on a school bus.  Is depression a real and growing problem?  Yes.  Is everyone in society depressed and hate their jobs?  Not at all.

There’s an article of a girl who grew up happily in Africa, and now is confronted with the “material culture” of America.  The truth is…we have choice.  If you don’t like stores, if you don’t like the noise of cars, if you don’t like anything non-organic, then live in Africa, or live in a kibbutz.  But…there is pleasure to be found in our “toxic” corporate culture. 

I was also watching parts of Office Space.  The main character makes a comment to Jennifer Anniston, who works in a Friday’s type restaurant called Chotsky’s.  “Don’t you hate wearing that stuff?”

She replies…”yeah…but i’m not gonna steal the money from them.”

This hit a HUGE note w/ me, being, life isn’t fair, life isn’t perfect, you need to jump through hoops in life, you need to do things in life you don’t necessary agree with or believe in.  But…you need to do these things in order to survive.  In order to fit-in, and I don’t necessarily mean total conformity, but withdrawing from a society you don’t fit-in with can be quite unhealthy. 

John Taylor Gotto and Alfie Kohn will be at this conference.  Gotto was quoted in this Adbuster’s.  He’s a school critic and libertarian, so his bad experiences w/ public schooling have led him to oppose the entire experiment, something i don’t agree with, although we share the same educational philosophy.

it’s been a whle since i’ve written on these topics, and i do so with caution.  I am currently looking for a job in int’l education, helping people who want to study, teach, and volunteer abroad.  I will hopefully get a job this summer sometime, and will hopefully like it, and hopefully start doing normal things that people do when they have jobs.  my issues w/ education will likely remain personal philosophy.  for the sake of normality…i’ll probably send my children (assuming i have them) to public schools.

Time: 2:50am

John, to the Butler, to the Trio, to the John.  Oh man, oh man, what a friggin’ show.  Out of site, just rockin’ moving me to tears at points.  Oh…so beautiful!  The John Butler Trio, bringing me back to life, with their slide guitar, banjo picking, stand-up base soloin’, 3-man drummin’ show!  Bumped into 3 Wash U grads in the city at various times, helped put life in perspective, came home to left over wings, eatin’ ‘em up like they were oh so delicious.  And the John, and the Butler, and the Trio.  Oh oh oh!!!

Yes…23 and jobless and somewhat directionless, but like so many.  Just put me in an environment where i’m surrounded by those like me, and let’s see what happens.  I pray something pops up in NYC, because every time i step foot in the city i seem to smile. 

time to crash off the evening…

thanks to those in xangaland…and a special thanks to Mel, in England via SA!!!  she knows why, cheers…

i have this bumper sticker too…dig it!!!

going to try to get john butler trio tix tonight…these guys friggin’ rock.  going to an ed. conference this weekend for shit and giggles, been a while since i’ve promoted my book, but this ed. conference might be worth a shot just to boost spirits for a few days…although it’s too little too late to invest time and energy into this.  might see my old xanga friend Cheryl there (lettersat3am), and get to hear john taylor gotto and alfie kohn speak.  setting a minimal goal of selling 10 books…otherwise i have no money to get back home from Sage College in Troy, NY.  Just need a taste of that life again…throw on a backpack and hit greyhound like a bum.

i have no site for the future…no goals, no ambitions.  i can’t really be taken seriously right now.  my cousin and her husband were over…this guy is 24, has his shit together, job, wife, place, and a head-on-his-shoulders.

that’s what i don’t have…i have no head on my shoulders.  there was a time i thought i was still developing…but i’m starting to feel that i stopped at 13.  i became trapped in my head.  i’m slowly cutting myself off from loved ones, not intentionally, i just don’t know how to act any other way.  i’m not a fun-easy going little brother anymore.  i have trouble making eye-contact w/ people at times. 

i’ve grown a small bit of passion for job hunting…companies in boston and maine, i’ve been home doing nothing for nearly a month now, i wonder how long this stretch might get.  being in my hometown is absolutely miserable…especially w/out a car i’m locked into a 1mile radius, all i do is walk around the block sometimes, nowhere to go.  i can go into nyc…but everyone works during the day, and all i do is sit in some bookstore anyway. 

i sleep more than i need to, usually because i just don’t want to be awake.  i don’t want to be awake so much.  i cross my fingers that some of this turns around once i’m working…because i can’t survive a life like this.  i just got offered a teen tour job for aug., and rather than feel excited i felt dread…i don’t want to be around people so much, even if i could get a free trip all over the west coast. 

i think i’m writing all this document…see if things can really stay this bad.

JUST SWEET