April 12, 2005

• topic: still going

  
  

  i did it again, started a depressing post, felt i wrote enough, deleted it. no use complaining here anymore.

  
  

  i need friends, is the problem.  i work w/ some amazing people, but i’ve always been a bit of a loner.  the kind to stand by himself at a party, wondering what everyone else seems to be talking about. i have friends here, but not the kind that raise my spirits just from the site of them. 

  
  

  I’m re-reading my book on Flow.  when i read it the first time, i felt connected to the idea that i was living life by all the right principles.  now, i read it, and i identify with the apatetic, bored, and alone.

  
  

  What do i think is going to happen?

  
  

  1) i don’t think anything here is going to help me snap out of this.

  
  

  2) i’m going to find a new focus in my life

  
  

  3) i’m going to go through a long period of struggle

  
  

  The only thing i’m looking forward to is travelling.  i want to meet people and hear their life story, and to feel free to share mine.  i want to move when i feel like it, and stop when the gut tells me to.  i want every day to be journal worthy, a new friend, a new food, a new hostel,

  
  

  i can’t think about anything else to write now…what am i doing? what is my mom going to think when she reads this…shit…but i can’t delete this.

  • 4:48 pm
  • 1 Comment